In his new book, The Scaffold Effect, world-renowned child psychiatrist Harold Koplewicz, MD, introduces a powerful new and clinically tested concept: sturdy scaffolding is necessary when erecting a building, but it will come down when the structure is built. In the same way, good, stable, parenting provides children with steady, warm, emotional nourishment on the path toward independence.
Parents who try to solve all of their children’s problems for them can have the opposite effect, causing fragility and anxiety over time. Dr. Koplewicz, who is president of the Child Mind Institute, writes that the deliberate build-up and then gradual loosening of parental support is the single most effective way to encourage kids to climb higher, try new things, grow from mistakes, and develop character and strength.
He notes in an interview on the Today Show that “parents are hard-wired to try to fix things, but failure is an option, because then they’ll get up and want to try again. Reward effort, not just the win.”
On the other hand, of course, you can’t let children be involved in doing something that you don’t approve of or is dangerous.
